Understanding Grief - It's Impact and Pathways to Healing

Understanding Grief: Its Impact and Pathways to Healing

Grief is a deeply personal and complex experience, yet it is universal. Whether caused by the loss of a loved one, a relationship, or even an identity shift, grief affects us all at some point in life. While grief is natural, its impact on mental health, emotional regulation, and overall well-being can be profound, especially if left unprocessed.

In this resource, we explore:

• The Impact of Grief on Children and Adolescents
• The Impact of Grief on Adults
• The Role of the Nervous System in Emotional Regulation
• The Pervasive Effects of Unresolved Grief and Trauma
• Ways to Support Yourself or a Grieving Child
• Signs That Additional Support May Be Needed
• UK-Based Resources for Grief Support

The Impact of Grief on Children and Adolescents

Grief can manifest differently in children and teens compared to adults. Their ability to process loss depends on age, emotional development, and their support system.

• Young Children (Under 7 years old): May not fully understand the permanence of loss. They might ask repetitive questions or display behavioural regression (e.g., bedwetting, clinging).
• Older Children (7-12 years old): Often experience sadness but struggle to express it verbally. They may show withdrawal, anger, or sudden changes in academic performance.
• Teenagers (13-18 years old): May mask their emotions, appearing disengaged or irritable. They might turn to risky behaviours or suppress grief to avoid appearing vulnerable.

How to Support Them:

• Encourage open conversations, using age-appropriate language.
• Validate their emotions and let them know it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused.
• Maintain routines where possible, as structure provides a sense of security.
• Offer creative outlets like journaling, drawing, or music to help them process emotions.

The Impact of Grief on Adults

Adults experience grief through an emotional, cognitive, and sometimes physical lens.

• Emotional responses: Deep sadness, numbness, anger, guilt, or relief.
• Cognitive effects: Difficulty concentrating, memory lapses, confusion, or intrusive thoughts about the loss.
• Physical symptoms: Fatigue, disrupted sleep, loss of appetite, headaches, or digestive issues.

How to Support Yourself:

• Accept that grief is non-linear—there is no "right" way to grieve.
• Seek community through support groups or trusted friends.
• Practice self-compassion rather than rushing to "move on."
• Allow time for reflection through journaling or therapy.

The Nervous System and Emotional Regulation in Grief

The nervous system plays a crucial role in how we process grief. Loss can trigger a stress response, leading to:

• Hyperarousal (fight-or-flight response): Increased heart rate, anxiety, irritability.
• Hypoarousal (freeze response): Feeling numb, detached, or dissociated.

How to Regulate the Nervous System:

• Grounding techniques like deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation.
• Gentle movement (walking, yoga) to release stored emotional tension.
• Seeking safe social connections to activate the parasympathetic nervous system.

The Pervasive Impact of Unresolved Grief

If grief remains unprocessed, it can contribute to:

• Chronic stress and anxiety.
• Increased risk of depression or PTSD.
• Substance misuse as a coping mechanism.
• Physical health complications, including heart disease.

Supporting Yourself or a Grieving Child

For  yourself:

• Engage in rituals—writing a letter to the deceased, lighting a candle, or creating a memory box.
• Seek professional support if needed.

For  children:

• Allow them to express grief in their own way—through play, storytelling, or drawing.
• Model healthy emotional expression so they feel safe to do the same.

Signs That Additional Support May Be Needed

• Persistent avoidance of talking about the loss.
• Long-term withdrawal from social life or work.
• Intense guilt or self-blame.
• Risky behaviours (substance use, self-harm).
• Suicidal thoughts or feelings of hopelessness.

If any of these are present, professional support may be necessary.

UK-Based Grief Support Resources

For Children & Families:

Winston’s Wish – www.winstonswish.org

Child Bereavement UK – www.childbereavementuk.org

For Adults:

Cruse Bereavement Support – www.cruse.org.uk

The Good Grief Trust – www.thegoodgrieftrust.org

If you're struggling, reach out—support is available.