Triggers aren't the problem - avoidance is.

Triggers Aren’t the Problem—Avoidance Is

We all have emotional triggers. That sharp, unexpected surge of anxiety, anger, or sadness when someone makes a certain comment. The pit in your stomach when a situation reminds you of something painful from the past. The overwhelming urge to shut down or lash out—even when you know your reaction is bigger than the moment itself.

These reactions aren’t random. They’re messages from your nervous system, warning you that something familiar—and potentially unsafe—is happening. The good news? Triggers don’t have to control you. When you learn to recognise and work with them, they can actually become a powerful tool for self-awareness and healing.

Let’s break it down:

• What exactly is a trigger?
• Why do they feel so overwhelming?
• How can we stop them from hijacking our emotions?

What Is a Trigger? The Truth Behind Your Emotional Reactions

An emotional trigger is anything that provokes a strong emotional response—sometimes tied to a past experience. It could be a phrase, a tone of voice, a facial expression, or even a specific environment.

For example:
👉 Someone raises their voice, and you instantly feel like a child being scolded.
👉 A friend cancels plans, and suddenly you feel unwanted or rejected.
👉 A work email with “Can we talk?” in the subject line sends your heart racing with dread.

Logically, you know you’re not in danger. But emotionally? Your body reacts as if you are. That’s because triggers aren’t about the present—they’re about the past.

The Science of Triggers: What’s Happening in Your Brain & Body?

When you experience a trigger, your brain interprets the situation as a threat—whether or not it actually is. The amygdala, the part of your brain responsible for processing fear, immediately goes into overdrive, activating your fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response.

This can cause:

🚨Increased heart rate & shallow breathing – Your body preps for action, even if there’s no physical danger.

🚨Muscle tension & sudden unease – You may feel restless, agitated, or “on edge.”
🚨Overwhelming emotions – Anger, anxiety, shame, sadness—often disproportionate to the situation.
🚨Impulsive reactions – Snapping at someone, shutting down emotionally, avoiding situations altogether.

Your body isn’t just reacting to this moment—it’s responding in the way it has learned to protect you.

Why Triggers Are Not the Enemy

Most people assume triggers are the problem. But in reality, avoidance is the real issue.

Think of it like this: If you have a physical injury—say, a sprained ankle—it’s going to hurt when you put weight on it. That pain isn’t the enemy; it’s a signal that something needs care. If you ignore it and keep walking on it, it only gets worse.

Triggers work the same way. They highlight areas where we feel vulnerable or reactive. The more we ignore, suppress, or avoid them, the more power they have over us.

But when we start facing them with self-awareness, we gain more control over our responses and move forward with greater resilience.

Recognising Your Triggers: 3 Key Questions to Ask Yourself

To manage triggers, you first need to understand them. The next time you feel an intense emotional reaction, pause and ask yourself:

🔥 What exactly am I feeling right now? Instead of saying, “I’m just upset,” try: Am I actually feeling hurt? Rejected? Unseen? Naming your emotions is the first step to processing them.

🔥 What does this remind me of? Sometimes, triggers amplify certain emotions or sensitivities. If a friend cancels plans and you feel deeply rejected, does it remind you of times when you felt abandoned or left out?

🔥 Are there patterns? Do certain people, conversations, or situations repeatedly cause strong emotional reactions? Identifying these patterns can help you prepare for and navigate them more effectively.

How to Manage Triggers Instead of Letting Them Control You

So, what do you do when you feel triggered? Instead of reacting impulsively, try these four steps:

1. Pause & Name It

The moment you notice yourself feeling overwhelmed, pause. Take a deep breath and simply name what’s happening:

• “I feel anxious.”
• “I feel rejected.”
• “I feel unsafe.”

Why does this help? Because naming your emotions shifts activity from the amygdala (your fear center) to the prefrontal cortex, the rational part of your brain. This simple step helps you regain control instead of getting swept up in the reaction.

2. Reflect & Connect

Once you’ve named the emotion, trace it back:

• When have I felt this way before?
• What might be influencing my reaction?
• Is my response about this moment—or something deeper?

Often, we realise that our emotional reaction isn’t really about what just happened—it’s about what it represents.

3. Regulate Your Nervous System

Triggers put your body into stress mode, so you need to bring it back to a place of safety. Try:

🧘 Deep Breathing – Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 6. Slows the stress response.
👣 Grounding Techniques – Notice 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste. Helps bring you back to the present.
🏃 Movement – Walk, stretch, shake out tension. Helps discharge stress hormones.

You can’t think clearly when your nervous system is in survival mode—so calming your body is key.

4. Reframe Your Mindset

Instead of viewing triggers as bad, see them as invitations to heal. Try shifting your mindset:

🚫 Instead of: “I hate that this triggers me.”
✅ Try: “This is showing me where I need healing.”

🚫 Instead of: “I shouldn’t feel this way.”
✅ Try: “My emotions are valid, but they don’t define me.”

By reframing, you move from powerless reaction to intentional response.

Healing Takes Time—And That’s Okay

Managing triggers isn’t about never feeling emotional. It’s about learning to navigate your emotions with awareness and self-compassion.

🚀 The more you observe your triggers instead of avoiding them, the less power they have.
🚀 The more you face them with curiosity, the more you heal.
🚀 The more you respond instead of react, the more control you take back.

Your triggers don’t define you. Your healing does.